“Heironymus Merkin” constantly exhibits his intense feelings of lust/love via his strong sexual desires/attractions, and he currently is my all-time favourite fictional character. However his only movie appearance was in Anthony George Newley’s 1969 British comedy musical movie called – “Can Heironymus Merkin Ever Forget Mercy Humppe and Find True Happiness?” As expected “Can Heironymus Merkin” was condemned by the Catholic Legion of Decency. MPAA USA made “Can Heironymus Merkin” the sixth film to be designated with the X rating.
Each and every ridiculously over-the-top crazy fictional character has some basis in reality. In January 1969 “Heironymus Merkin” was a brand-new slightly fictional movie character, that was not created out of thin air, so Anthony George Newley IS THE REAL “Heironymus Merkin”.
In real life from 1963 to 1970, Joan Collins was married to Anthony George Newley, and the couple had two children during the marriage, Tara Newley and Sacha (Alexander) Newley, and all four are cast in the movie. A critical and massive financial flop, the movie theater release of the movie “Can Heironymus Merkin”, also caused Joan Collins to divorce her husband Anthony George Newley.
Can Heironymous Merkin Ever Forget Mercy Humppe and Find True Happiness? (1969) – This immensely unwatchable “Vaudeville Mockumentary” movie, advertises a movie title that asks just one question during its excessive duration of either 107 minutes or 117 minutes (117 minutes uncut version MPAA rated X) – “Can Heironymous Merkin ever forget Mercy Humppe and find true happiness?” The film has no opening credits, so the movie you just watched, has its title posed as a question, that question finally appears as part of the end credits. However that question, is never ever answered by what you just watched on screen.
Anthony Newley the actor, was multi-tasking as the complete auteur (star and leading man, director-producer-writer-composer-singer-songwriter) – however he deliberately failed to learn anything about filmmaking, when acting in other projects. Fully suffering from “career egotism”, Pretentious/Nihilistic Anthony Newley has many personal axes to grind, scattered/littered everywhere throughout his “Can Heironymus Merkin”. 1969 Playboy Playmate of the Year, Ms. Connie Kreski constantly excels in the role of Mercy Humppe. His forever lost lover, and she most certainly is YAR, because typically ready and prepared for action, and quick to move.
This awful “Golden Turkey” of a movie musical, takes a decidedly absurdist viewpoint, but is yet another indulgent autobiographical vanity project, that should never ever have been green-lit by a Hollywood Studio. THE PLOT – “Heironymus Merkin (Anthony Newley) screens an autobiographical home movie of his life, growth, and moral decay.”, that no-one should ever pay to watch. Just walk out, as the movie deliberately bothered to NOT have a script that would generate successful box office revenues, followed by the requisite sequel and prequel. This Vaudeville-based musical oddity conceit, has no musical showstoppers, plus completely forgettable weird songs/soundtrack.
“Can Heironymus Merkin” was modified from the original version, by massively editing to selectively remove content (YES a total of ten minutes deleted), that allowed “Can Heironymous Merkin Ever Forget Mercy Humppe and Find True Happiness? to be approved by the “many little old ladies” that were running the censor board in March 1970, i.e. Australian Film Censorship Board.
“Devil Girl From Mars” (1954) is often considered by many as the “Golden Turkey” worst British movie ever made, however “Can Heironymus Merkin” is horrendously unwatchable. Surprisingly “Can Heironymus Merkin” was the award winner for “Best British Original Screenplay”.
Typically you should expect to experience frequent female merkin, female nudity, male rear nudity, vulgar burlesque, beastiality, film-within-a-film, film-within-a-film-within-a-film, and see the always selfish misogynist Anthony Newley climb a mountain (Moses-like) to meet with God. (1) Watch constant womaniser Anthony Newley pandering/pondering/ considering/having sex for the entire two hours; and (2) watch Anthony Newley suffering from the eternal male irritation at (always untrustworthy, because he is just an unsuitable male person) being always always wanting/needing/desiring 24/7 to have too much sex, followed by additional sex; and (3) his forever lustful search for the one perfect female; and (4) repeatedly selecting the wrong perfect female; and (5) the frustration from choosing each wrong perfect female; and (6) seeking further adulterous sexual liaisons; and (7) each new adulterous sexual liaison causing (short-lived) feelings of wretched and torturous guilt; and (8) consideration of the next illicit libidinous encounter, with the ever-willing next female.
Universal Pictures Limited, i.e. Universal Studios home video entertainment releases on VHS DVD BLU-RAY NTSC/PAL over the last fifty-four years until the year 2021, and they have always excluded issuing the home video version of “Can Heironymus Merkin Ever Forget Mercy Humppe and Find True Happiness?”
The Singing Cast –
Anthony Newley – Heironymus Merkin / Director
Joan Collins – Polyester Poontang
George Jessel – The Presence
Bruce Forsyth – Uncle Limelight
The Non-Singing Cast –
Milton Berle – Goodtime Eddie Filth
Connie Kreski – Mercy Humppe
The Musical Numbers –
“Picadilly Lilly”‘- Heironymus and Uncle Limelight
“Sweet Love Child” – Heironymus
“If All the World’s a Stage” – Heironymus and Chorus
“Chalk and Cheese” – Polyester
“When You Gotta Go” – The Presence
“I’m All I Need” – Heironymus
“On the Boards” – Uncle Limelight
“Once Upon a Time” – Heironymus
“Oh What a Son of a Bitch I Am” – Heironymus
YES a merkin is a triangle shaped pubic wig, as originally used from the 15th century by female sex workers, and for those females who shaved their pubic hair for medical or hygienic reasons. Today, merkins are used as decorative items, erotic accessories, plus merkins are used by females as theatrical props in live theatre and burlesque. Since the 1960s in Hollywood / European movie films to fully ensure female modesty or to achieve a specific aesthetic, by hiding the existence of female inner labia and female outer labia. They can be made from human or synthetic hair, and are usually attached using adhesives.
